20 things to remember when dating someone with add

Added: Cherika Core - Date: 04.12.2021 09:28 - Views: 25630 - Clicks: 1070

My girlfriend was late, disorganized, and spacey. I was angry, frustrated, and felt like a victim. It was Not knowing what I wanted to do with my life, I decided that I would get a job in sales, make enough money to pay the bills, have a little fun, and be independent for the first time in my life. I was a fresh-faced college graduate living in the Lincoln Park neighborhood of Chicago. It was a cute, homey area well known for being the settling place for many energetic, naive, immature somethings.

Although I thought my college degree meant that I possessed a certain level of emotional maturity, the neighborhood fit me perfectly. I was a something looking to work hard and party hard. With my new job in sales, I was immersed in a team full of big personalities and charismatic extroverts.

There was one salesperson in particular who was the life of the party. Her energy was unlimited, her personality charming, and she seemed to always be the center of attention in the room. I was instantly drawn to her, and she to me. A few work outings and secret dates later, Jenny and I decided to be in a relationship. As most relationships go, ours was off to a great start. She was a hit with my friends, continuing to entertain, engage, and impress everyone she met. Her liveliness was unmatched, especially when we were at social gatherings.

We were in our honeymoon phase. Months passed. We went on a trip. I was blinded by the bliss, thinking nothing but the best of Jenny. Patterns of behaviors started to emerge, though. The most common was when I drove to her apartment to pick her up. She lived near Lake Michigan on a compact street lined on both sides with cars, parallel parked like sardines.

I showed up at the deated time and shot her a text to let her know to come down. I remember the street vividly, because I was always nervous about waiting, but there I was, throwing my hazard lights on and blocking the street. The more often I picked her up, the more I noticed that I had to wait 5, 10, 15 minutes, even a half hour sometimes. I sat, glancing from my rearview mirror to the games on my brand new Blackberry Curve. The wait became a typical event each time I picked her up — sometimes in my car, sometimes in a cab, and sometimes with friends in the car.

Eventually, she would come out, and we headed off to our dinner reservations, usually showing up late. This was a pattern that continued for most events we attended: parties, restaurants, movies, Cubs games, and family events. I assumed that being on time for me was not important for her. Letting my emotions sway me, I interpreted her lateness as a reflection of her feelings about our relationship. Then I noticed that we had trouble communicating with each other. Calls and texts went unanswered for hours or even a day. She mostly communicated with me through her computer.

It was hard to make plans. She also took naps, so my messages went unanswered for long stretches of time. She would lose her car keys, wallet, 20 things to remember when dating someone with add, and credit card. I became more frustrated. I assumed that she was an organizational mess, and that she would never be able to free herself of this trait. I tried to be cool. I tried to be mature. I tried to be laid back. Like a lot of year-olds, I thought I was emotionally and cognitively well beyond my years.

I looked down on my college-student self — all of one year earlier — as the fool, and saw my new self as a broad-thinking, all-encompassing relationship peacemaker. Emotions got the best of me, though — not because I was overreacting or losing my mind, but because I misinterpreted her behaviors. Waiting 15 long minutes in the car each day became a marker of ificance. 20 things to remember when dating someone with add had reached the point where she felt that it was OK to take advantage of me. She felt no urgency to meet my needs and downgraded my importance.

In hindsight, my perception of events was wrong. There are two questions that should have flashed in my mind, and the mind of anyone in a relationship with someone diagnosed with ADHD. I was more concerned about the impact of her behaviors on me. It would have encouraged me to acknowledge and accept her ADHD challenges.

It would have removed blame from the equation and led to more questions: What can I do to help? What other areas of her life is this affecting? How can I be more accepting of the challenges that she faces? Little did I know that, later in life, I would become a special education teacher working with students who have ADHD. My journey has provided me with many experiences with and lots of knowledge about the disorder. Would my relationship with Jenny have worked out if I had this knowledge all those years ago?

However, it would have have made me more understanding and supportive of her. I have learned to see things differently these days. Even after knowing that Jenny had ADHD, I made myself the victim: How could she continue to let me down and disengage from our relationship? Had I been able to overcome my misguided perceptions and be more aware of her struggles, I would have clearly seen the reasons for her actions and supported her.

These plans define the impairments and offer strategies—accommodations and goals—to address, compensate, and develop the skills that are lagging. Adults can use the same plan in their relationships. Dating someone with ADHD can be fun, spontaneous, and exciting, but it can also be trying and intense. Singing a New Tune. Pandemic Anxiety: 10 Expert Coping Strategies. Address.

20 things to remember when dating someone with add

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20 Things to Remember If You Love a Person with ADD/ADHD