Are there mail order husbands

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Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds. Russian women have cornered the market on bridal retailing for too long. I have organized the first ever American Mail Order Husband catalog to tackle this trade deficit with the East.

Ladies, these are quality gentlemen ready to fulfill your every need and desire. All they ask is a ticket to your country and a home to share with you. Other requests as noted. Allen Earnhardt Higgins [ Allen ]. Hair: All of it, brown on the head, not too long, short on the body and darker. Occupation: Electrician by trade, working as a grocery technician during the dry spell that started in About Myself: I am a handsome professional man with a full time job now that Hank put me on the schedule six days, so I got health insurance.

Willing to move if you will pay for everything. I am told I am a really good kisser and that I am good with finger- banging. I am a really good driver and I still have got my couch set from the basement and my 52 inch projection TV after the divorce. It has a purple spot in the corner from a lightning strike but otherwise it's perfect and I got plenty of DVDs including some pornos. About My Perfect Match: I'm looking for a chick who is hot, with big tits only her nipples and orioles ain't too big and are kinda pinkish.

She's gotta have a flat stomach and a nice ass. She loves doing it all the time and she is really good at blow jobs and cooking. She will give me a blow job while I am doing anything even taking a crap. Definitely can't nag or complain too much.

Will shut up and let me drive when I'm trying to drive and trusts me to know the way. Doesn't want. Her favorite position in sex should be with her on top and she has to like doing it in front of a mirror or on a video camera so I can see her butthole when she's going up and down on my rod. It's good if she's fixed so she can't have kids, although I will get a ballectomy or what have you but I don't really want no doctor messing in my junk. Buy me. Maelethus Moonbeam [ Maelethus ]. Children: I have no children but I do have a golden Pomeranian named KC who is just the most darling baby boy in the whole world.

Education: I have a bachelor's degree in education and I have an associate's degree in medical ballectomies. Interests: I love long hikes in the woods, camping out and generally just being a nature lover. I am also a 9 th circle wizard of the Golden Order of Thoth and I practice both light and dark magic. About Myself: I am a very gentle and friendly person, very outgoing. I have a lot of friends and will always lend a hand. I have the lower body of a goat and the phallus of a bull, I lactate from my eight nipples, and I can see heartbeats in the dark as glowing red embers.

I have eaten a live human baby before but only when it was offered to me. I love Myth Busters and flesh-shattering anal sex with virgin brides, of which I have ten thousand. Maybe you will be my special bride…. She will have big innocent blue eyes and be capable of accommodating a 44" penis into her rectum. She doesn't have kids but she wantseven if it means coupling with jackals beneath a blood moon as I and the brothers of the inner circle chant praises to Baphomet.

Doesn't play head games. Marital Status: im arried byut dont let that gt in the way of a good time with me baby im a stallion ill make you jizzum all oever. Children: thre e ungarateful little shtis i hope they rot in hll iwth marlena. Interests: Yuo wanna cum 2 utah I'll let you rdie the ronalldvcaster we can have drinks athe ariprort bar and smkoe cigars until ur big huge tist fall off BB! About My Perfect Match: u no yho want sume of em! Put on a cd and just let u grnd on me i luv u bb let me cum on ur sheos fcuk head games.

Louis Hanson Jr. Education: I have spent the last four years in an exhaustive exploration of female pleasure zones. Interests: Imagine in the mind's eye: you come home from work to find a trail of rose petals leading you to your bedroom. I have lit several vanilla-scented candles and placed them along the way to seduce you with their sweet smells.

In the bedroom you will find me, very nude, with my chocolate-covered fingertips drawing gentle brown circles around my nipples. I beckon you over with one finger and from there…ecstasy…. About Myself: I am the most giving lover you will ever meet. I will touch every centimeter of your body with my fingertips, then touch it with my tongue, then again with the fingertips.

I will caress your soul with my hands and your breasts with my lips. Your butt is like a work of art to my eyes, your eyes like perfect tiny butts in your face. My penis is amazing, it will rock you gently like a baby in a sex crib. You will experience what I like to call orgasms. It will only be one orgasm but it will be so intense that it will count for About My Perfect Match: My perfect match is a beautiful woman who doesn't mind if I quit my job and move in immediately, Are there mail order husbands mind if I play Xbox all the time and she won't nag.

I am a cheap date. No head games. Timberley Torrence [ Timberley ]. Occupation: Retired autoworker, I also carve and sell wooden ducks on ebay. Education: Just finished my two-year degree in HAM radio repair! Interests: My pride and joy is my model train collection, so I would love for you to have a look at that. I have over a thousand scale miles of track and some of the most collectible engines. Are there mail order husbands favorite thing in the whole world would be to have a woman stand on me and pee. I have Are there mail order husbands done that before and I reckon I would like it.

Maybe if she spit on my face and stood on my throat so I choked out. We could do it in the basement and you can watch the trains. About Myself: I am not a rich man and I am not a poor man. I think when women look at me they feel very excited and would want to pee and spit on a man like me. That would be the sensible thing. I own a pickup truck and Heloise had a Lincoln Continental that her father bought her. Would you like that car? I think you would. I would make a good husband for you to buy.

I bring two cars and I am a toilet for your filth, make it on me. You have to get along with my grandchildren. They mean the world to me. I will build a little room in my basement and I will watch you through a hole while you make toilet things. Break a bottle on my face and call me a worm. I want to die in your pee. I want a pretty lady to buy me like a slave and treat me like a sawhorse in her woodshop.

Are there mail order husbands

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Mail Order Husbands?