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Watch live: Tokyo Olympics Opening Ceremony. Married couples want to live happily ever after, but about half of marriages in the U. But these big problems are often the result of small misunderstandings that snowball over time, he explains. The attorney recalls a client who said her marriage began to fall apart shortly after she and her husband had. She said it started with the husband making small jokes about her weight. This type of dynamic frequently le to a couple feeling less affectionate towards one another, and, ultimately, a breakdown in communication over time, he explains.
These little things add up to the opposite of love, to a feeling of disconnection, to a feeling of not feeling supported. When we are upset with the person we love, our instinct is to criticize them, says Sexton. And while our intention is usually to improve them in some way, it often in them feeling slighted or ashamed, he explains. The author recalls a woman he once dated who always complained when he took a break from shaving on weekends. While she simply wanted a smooth face to kiss, her criticism put him on the defensive, he says. Instead, focus on praising the little things they do that please you.
For example, if you want your spouse to be more spontaneous, watch their behavior for small instances of spontaneity and let them know how much you like it. This, Sexton explains, in bickering and hurt feelings.
Instead of attacking your husband for what he said, talk to him about why it bothered you in the first How to communicate better in a marriage, advises Sexton. So get to the core of that. Get to the principle behind it rather than the position. In our culture, we tend to put great importance on conducting difficult conversations face-to-face, says Sexton. But confronting your partner in person about something they did has a tendency to put them in a defensive position, he warns, and often ends in bickering.
If your partner did something that touched a nerve, Sexton suggests putting it in a carefully worded or text message. This gives them an opportunity to reflect on it and think about how they want to respond in a non-confrontational way, he says.
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8 Ways to improve communication in your marriage