Added: Rolanda Drapeau - Date: 23.06.2021 23:23 - Views: 34672 - Clicks: 7796
I used to be a serial dater and a serial monogamist. I went about eight years without being alone for more than a few days or weeks. The chase is fun, but it left me burned out after a while. I was almost more addicted to the endorphins in the beginning than I was interested in anything long-term. This energized madness only left me burned out and alone. I Serial dater woman in love with the idea of people, never the people themselves.
I would formulate a story in my mind about who the person was. I wanted the delusion I created to be the world we lived in, but creating fantasies bit me in the butt. Getting physical too fast gets in the way. Since I was mistaking lust for love, I would get physical with someone on the first few dates.
Getting sexual before we created any true intimacy just resulted into a shell of a relationship. The partnership revolved around animal-like physical intimacy, then when that got old, I usually skipped out on the person. When sex is involved too soonthe endorphins make a muck of things before I can get a clean read. I used to think that I could make it work with anyone. I believed an interesting idea: that I could make a relationship work with anyone. I thought that if I was hot enough and manipulated the person just right, we could make it work. Ah, it was an exhausting way to be in relation to other people.
Like I said, I loved my fantasy world. I really thought I had it all figured out in my head. After predicting happily ever after a couple dozen times with different people and getting it way wrong, I realized I actually have no idea what outcomes will be. I really have to take relationships and the rest of my life a day at a time.
No human can fix me. A huge reason why I was serial dating, or jumping from relationship to relationship, was because I was trying to find someone who could finally make me feel okay in my own skin. I wanted a human to cure the constant ache in my chest.
No matter how much I thought the next person was going to fix me, they never did. I learned that I was expecting way too much from a person. Instead, I found my way to a few spiritual practices that could actually help the ache. Pain can be the greatest teacher.
I kept putting my hand on the metaphorical stove and getting burnt over and over again. At the end, I had enough with breaking my own Serial dater woman and the hearts of others. The pain I was in motivated me to take an honest look at the way I was living and to try to move in another direction.
Now when I get the urge to put my hand on a hot stove, I remember how much it burned last time. After not listening to my intuition for too long, I realized I had gut instincts for a reason. Ever heard of the canaries in the coal mine? Miners would take the birds down into the mines because the canaries would stop singing when the toxins in the air got too severe.
Drastic example, but I learned my gut instincts are like the canaries. Serial dater woman losing too many metaphorical canaries, I started listening to the als earlier. I never used to tell my friends what happened with who I was dating. My partner and I would make a real mess of things. We may have been cheating on each other, being codependent, or being overly suspicious of one another. Whatever the flavor of toxicI kept it to myself.
Hiding resulted in disaster after disaster. Eventually, I looped friends into my love life. I realized that friends can keep me honest and healthy. We all have tapes playing in our he, most of them from childhood. My tapes were mean and incredibly sneaky. They whispered to me that I was unlovable, unworthy, and incapable of having healthy relationships. Of course these beliefs destroyed any chance at a nice relationship. I had to learn to recognize and challenge them over the years if I wanted to have any semblance of a healthy relationship. Check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want.
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