The one who loves me

Added: Asad Elbert - Date: 26.09.2021 23:54 - Views: 14526 - Clicks: 8530

I have heard, on more than one occasion, a certain piece of advice about deciding who to settle down with in life. To live the constant, quiet humiliation that comes with being dependent on someone in a way that is not reciprocated erodes the self-esteem like little else can. I The one who loves me this, of course, because I have been the one who loves more.

When you love more, when you can feel that your partner does not return so much of what is essential to you, you start to love The one who loves me less. You see yourself as worthy only to the degree that this person whom you love so much has deemed you worthy, and if they are not loving you with as much passion or conviction as you love them, there must be something wrong with you. There is almost no fault in them which you are not ready to excuse, ready to brush over with the incredibly forgiving rendering of your admiration — and yet your flaws all become tangible, justifiable reasons for them not to be happy with you.

In many ways, the more indifferent they become towards your overtures, the more resolved you become to convincing them otherwise. Suddenly, approval and affection from your partner become the only kind of currency that matter to you — the only thing capable of convincing you that you are good and worth loving.

When you go out together, you can feel it. While being with them can give you a heady rush of pride and profound gratefulness at being allowed this time together — and to bask in the glow of being their chosen one, even for a moment — it always comes with a distinct wave of shame over simply being not up to the task.

Everyone that walks by is competition, and is likely so much more deserving than you in your eyes. And the treatment that you will accept from them knows almost no boundaries. Even if being loved by them comes with a thousand asterisks, or is accompanied by put-downs or bouts of complete apathy, it is better than not being loved at all. Slowly you begin to adjust yourself to what you imagine they are looking for, uninterested in pleasing yourself so much as getting that residual pleasure from making them happy, if only for a minute.

By the time they leave you — and they almost always will — you will look around and realize just how much of yourself you had given away. Your interests, your style, your loud laugh, your crazy friends: they were all collateral damage in the face of wanting to make them love you as you love them. So perhaps it does make for a better marriage to be with someone who loves me more than I do them. Maybe it would make my life easier, more secure, more malleable to my whims and desires.

But it would also mean that, for an entire lifetime, someone would be living out a pantomime of what they think I want them to be. I want to be just as enamored with someone as they are with me — even if we need each other for different things — because no one should ever doing another person a favor by spending their life with them. Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you.

All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. You may unsubscribe at any time. More From Thought Catalog. Get our newsletter every Friday! You're in! See you Friday. Follow Thought Catalog.

The one who loves me

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When You Are The One Who Loves More